


Midnight

by fluffybunho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug use in sex, Fingering, Fluff, Fuckbuddies, Gangs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Time Skips, lots of fucking, past KiHo, past hwh, protect wonho at all cost, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17419118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybunho/pseuds/fluffybunho
Summary: "Changkyun knows how Wonho flickers with the lights or how the lights flicker with him."Or an AU where Changkyun wonders how fate could be so cruel for him to slowly fall for the man on the train who's not ever quite there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings will be added to each chapter and tags will be updated. Enjoy

**October 2019**

 

00:01. The train was late. Unease spread along Changkyun’s body as he kept glancing at the clock next to the tracks. He picked the skin around his nails wondering why he felt so anxious, impatient for the train to arrive as if looking forward to something unknown. His gaze was dragged from the clock as he heard the familiar rumble of the train arriving, the whole train jolting forward as it pulled into the stop and graffiti-covered doors opened with a reluctant groan.

The lights flickered as Changkyun stepped onto the train, Wonho coming into view as the lights remained on, barely illuminating the carriage. He was flicking through the same book he always carries, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned the pages, focusing on the words as he read.

“You never tell me what you're reading.”

Wonho jumped in his seat, his hand over his chest as he chucked while Changkyun slid into the seat next to him, his bag falling on top of his lap.

“It’s a secret.” Wonho shifted in his seat as he slipped the book to the side, letting it rest against the train wall and his thigh, hidden from Changkyun’s prying eyes.

Changkyun quirks an eyebrow, “Secret, huh. Must be a pretty good book then,”  He said whilst readjusting his bag that had begun sliding off his lap.

“It's ok, it's boring waiting for you.” Wonho shrugs, fidgeting slightly as he glanced over to Changkyun with a soft smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling and corners of his mouth turning upwards.

Changkyun looked deep in thought as he glanced out the window before turning his head to look around, his movements exaggerated as he raised both eyebrows as if surprised.

“Maybe you should lash out and do something rebellious and exciting,” Changkyun’s expression was almost comical, making Wonho’s eyes widen in response.

Wonho could barely contain the soft giggle as he leaned forward, “Oh yeah like what,” He said with his voice lowered, eyes darting around in the same manner as Changkyun’s had before, their shoulders pressed together as Wonho kept leaning into Chankyun’s touch, almost falling onto his lap.

“Have you ever considered changing seats? There's a particularly nice chair about three spots down.” Wonho’s gaze following Chankyun’s as he nodded towards the chairs, one with a particularly large stain on the back, the arm half broken off as it threatened to completely fall off with each jolt and movement of the train.

“Well, I think you know that's a bit too crazy for me.” Wonho could barely contain the larger as he spluttered out the words between a fit of giggles, his head resting on Changkyun’s shoulder as he eventually calmed down, his breathing evening out into silence before the feeling of melancholy washed over the two, casting shadows over the light atmosphere.

“Yeah. I do.”

Wonho’s nose scrunches up in annoyance as he sighed, his gaze turning to the blackened windows, staring into nothing, smiling to himself. A soft squeak left Wonho’s lips as he found himself topple over Changkyun as the train turned sharply, soft flush spreading on his pale skin as he gathered himself, sitting upright with his hands in his lap.

Changkyun knew that smile that played on Wonho's lips. Gentle, secretive. It was one of the many things Changkyun had learned about Wonho. All his expressions and smiles that hid something more underneath, the constant mask that he wore, the cracks tightly sealed shut as Changkyun continued to dig.

He learns plenty about Wonho but never his past.

He knows his favorite food is ramyeon, that he hates when Changkyun teases him with whatever food he has left over in his bag for lunch but never ate anything. He knows that when it's been a particularly long day, Wonho would lay down his head on his lap and let him gently pat the soft strands, thoughtless motions almost as soothing as the soft smile on Wonho’s face.

Inquisitive eyes always followed his every movement, learning. Remembering. Changkyun knows how Wonho flickers with the lights or how the lights flicker with him. He notices how just before the lights dim into nothing he is met with dry dull hair, a much skinner form and bloodshot sunken in eyes surrounded by dark bags almost as if they were bruised. A brief picture gone in an instant.

“Hey Kkukkung, it's your stop.” Wonho gently nudged Changkyun awake, brushing away the hair from his face as he stirred, eyes blurry and mind groggy.

“Oh shit yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Changkyun says with a groan as he stood up on wobbly legs, his arms stretched out in front of him, stumbling as the train jolted.

“But this time remember to bring me ramyeon! Promise you'll remember, yeah?”

“Ok-ok, I promise.”

“Pinky promise?” Wonho held out his pinky as Changkyun left his seat to leave, his brows furrowed slightly, expression stern as he waved his arm in the air waiting for Changkyun to comply.

“Pinky promise,” Changkyun locked their pinkies together, grinning widely before turning to leave, hurrying off before the doors closed.

Waving as Changkyun left, Wonho called out to him, desperation licking at the edge of his voice. “Now you have to remember because you pinky promised. No forgetting this time!” The doors closed as he got the last words out, Changkyun’s figure slowly disappearing as he hurried back home.

 

**October 2018**

 

The first time Changkyun saw him was on the midnight train on Halloween, that night he hadn’t realised the significance of the time and date, the night hadn’t felt special either just another shitty shift on an especially shitty night. As soon as he boarded, he couldn’t help but be drawn to his presence, a lone figure who seemed to take up the entirety of the space; soft features, bleached hair and prominent muscles strained against a simple white shirt sent shivers down his spine. The man was undeniably attractive, eye-catching, Changkyun questioned why no one else was staring, or acknowledging his presence. Slowly he made his way to his spot, sitting one row behind and across from the man, his gaze unwavering. He felt hypnotised, unable to tear his gaze away as the man stared down at a nameless book, head lowered in defeat as an unnamed sadness carefully painted itself across his features. Changkyun could feel his heart ache as he stared, unwavering, fixated, drinking in as much as he could before he got off and never saw him again because that’s how it always went. Right?

The trip home felt slow, the train lurching as it made its way down the dark tunnel, rattling slightly as it sped down the tracks. As the time slowly passed and his stop approached, Changkyun still couldn’t tear his eyes away from the man. It was his own fault he got spotted as the man slowly turned his neck, locking their eyes together, his gently gaze sending a flush of red across Changkyun’s face and neck. His ears turning bright red as his whipped his head away, redirecting his gaze back to his hands as they begun to fidget in his lap, almost tearing his gaze away too quickly to see the man’s eyes widen in shock, surprise etching into his features as he continued to look at Changkyun, slack-jawed. Almost.

The lights overhead began to fade, stuttering on and off as the man turned his gaze away, his brows furrowed as he focused back on his book, his lips catching between his teeth as his eyes began to wander back to Changkyun before snapping back to his book, only to glance back at Changkyun surreptitiously, his eyes curious and full of wonder. The rest of the trip went by in a blur, Changkyun’s mind wandering back to the man, his thoughts bubbling with curiosity, he couldn’t shake the slight uneasy feeling off. His heart sunk as soon as his stop was announced, knowing this would be the last time he saw the man. The lights flicked as he stole one last glance before he left, the man’s body almost seeming to disappear as the lights momentarily cast the train into darkness, the light from the surrounding passengers’ phones being the only thing to illuminate the train, only revealing shadows where the man had once been only to return as soon as the dimmed light relit, gone and back in an instant. Changkyun stood up on wobbly legs as the train jolted to a stop, stumbling slightly as he made his way to the doors, hopping out of the train as soon as they opened, too nervous to glance at the man one last time as he exited.

The train doors groaned as they closed behind him, as he turned around to watch the train leave, his eyes couldn’t help but wander back to the spot where the man was sitting, searching through the windows only to find the seat empty, no evidence the man had been there before, vanishing into the night. With a soft sigh of resignation, Changkyun adjusted his bag and headed towards the exit, his footsteps loud as they echoed through the empty station, the image of the man slowly fading from his memories, only leaving behind a lingering feeling of curiosity and a blurry image of bleached blond hair.

The world was encompassed by darkness as he stepped out onto the moonlit streets, barely lighting his path as the streetlight remained dim, only emitting enough light to illuminate the moths gathering around the dying bulb. The walk didn’t take long, as dilapidated and gang riddled the area was, Changkyun always felt comfort in the silent streets, it washed over him like a wave. Soothing, blanketing him from the realities that he has to face during the day. The sins the streets held invisible to the eye as they hid in the cover of darkness, the sounds of shouts and fights masked by the cries of cats fighting behind dumpsters and the hooting of owls, perched above the houses.

Changkyun could see the living room light from their small apartment window shining brightly from the street, he swung his bag around to the front of his chest, unzipping it before fumbling for his keys, rummaging through the contents blindly. He stumbled up the steps, trying not to make any noise, his footsteps dragging across the concrete, exhaustion starting to take his toll as soon as the prospect of rest approached. The key jingled in his hands as he finally pulled them out of his bag, the worn leather trap swinging back and forth as he struggled to find the right key to unlock the apartment.

“You’re late.”

Changkyun’s heart leapt in his chest, his body tensing as he tried holding back the yelp that escaped his mouth as soon as the door swung open, Jooheon’s impatient glare greeting him, his hand still on the doorknob as if threatening to slam it closed again.

Adjusting his bag Changkyun shuffled past Jooheon, his hands raised up slightly in surrender. 

“I got held up, stores always busy on Halloween. You didn't have to wait up for me.”

Changkyun let his bag drop off his shoulder and onto the floor, making a beeline towards the couch, falling backward into the worn leather, closing his eyes as he sunk backward, legs splayed out in front of him.

“Needed to make sure you made it back in one piece,” Jooheon said, letting out a soft groan as he locked the door behind Changkyun, letting the whine drag out as he dragged his feet along the floor, falling next to Changkyun with a huff. “So. How was work?”

“Usual,” Changkyun cracked open an eye, glancing over at Jooheon before shrugging, smiling to himself, “Saw a cute guy on the train today.”

“Oh yeah? Spill.”

Changkyun couldn't remember anything besides blond hair, and broad shoulders, the image fading the more he thought about it, “Not much to tell. He was really cute, but doubt I’ll see him again anyways. Tell you tomorrow, m’gonna sleep now.”

Without another word, Changkyun stood and made his way to the bedroom, his eyes fluttering shut as soon as his body hit the bed, exhaustion pulling him into a dreamless sleep.

Changkyun woke to the sound of Jooheon’s fist banging against his door, his head banging up against the wall from the shock.

“Wake up, it’s like almost one,” Jooheon called out from behind the door, knocking it a few more times until Changkyun let out a loud groan, “You’ve gotta go to work soon hurry up!”

“I’m awake I’m awake! now please stop hitting the door!” Grumbling to himself Changkyun pulled himself off of the bed, eyes still half shut as he made his way to the shared bathroom ignoring Jooheon’s attempt at conversation before shutting himself in. The water helped clear his head, rinsing away the odd feeling that had settle in his chest since he woke up, the nagging feeling he had forgotten something, relentless and unyielding.

Jooheon was waiting for him in the kitchen, a plate filled with food waiting for him on the countertop. “So, you think mystery boy will be on the train today again?” Jooheon said as he handed the cutlery over to Changkyun, his eyebrow quirked.

“Who?” Changkyun’s brows furrowed as he begun to shovel food in his mouth, perplexed by Jooheon’s words, his mind trying to reach back to any memory that might help, confused as Jooheon frowned back.

“The cute guy from last night.”

“Oh right yeah, uhm. No probably not,” Something began to eat at the corner of Changkyun’s mind, prodding, as if trying to remind him of something but it was drowned by the confusion and questions that came tumbling in, still unsure what Jooheon’s words meant.

It continued to eat at him for the rest of the day, gnawing at his mind, persistent and incessant, following him for the rest of the day only growing until he finally left work and made it to the station did it disappear, flushed away with the light breeze as the train came screeching to a halt.  

As he stepped on he found himself searching for something, searching to see if a familiar face would grace him. Warm brown eyes locked with his as he turned to find the man from last night, he was dressed in the same black sweatpants and had a hoodie pulled over his white shirt wearing the same shocked expression as last night. Stumbling Changkyun made his way to his seat, sitting across from the man, red-faced as he looked down, his fingers curling around his bag.

“Hi,” The voice was soft, gentle, it enveloped Changkyun like a warm hug, curling around his chin to lift it up and face the man. He smiled over at Changkyun, plump lips stretched into a smile as he lifted a hand to wave, “I’m Wonho.”

Changkyun's heart began to race, his chest aching as he looked up at Wonho in shock from the unexpected words, his breath catching at the wide smile that was directed at him.

“Changkyun. Uh nice to meet you,” He tried steadying his breath, fumbling over his words as he shifted in his seat, turning towards Wonho and offering a small smile in return, his heart steadying.

“It’s a bit late to be catching the train, isn't it?” Mimicking Changkyun’s movements he turned in his seat to face Changkyun, head cocked to the side slightly as he waited for an answer.

Changkyun shrugged, “Had work, I finish late. What about you?”

“Nowhere else to go,” Wonho’s gaze dropped to the floor, his face falling and eyes distant, his mind wandering and smile soft reaching his lips.

The ride back home flew by, almost missed his stop as it was called on the overhead speaker, too enamoured by Wonho as they spoke only noticing the flashing sign of his stop name.

“It was nice speaking to you. It’s been a while since I really spoke to anyone.”

“It was nice speaking to you too, I’ll catch you later yeah?”

Disbelief welling in Changkyun’s chest as he turned to leave, his fingers twitching with excitement to tell Jooheon what happened. The warm feeling remained as Changkyun got off the bus, his heart full and head light, the night felt bright, the moon shining overhead lighting his path home, the grin never leaving his face.

The door clicked behind Changkyun as he stepped inside, Jooheon waving from the couch, snack food littering the table. As Changkyun turned to open his mouth the excitement that has previously followed his home slowly faded, unsure what caused the feeling, his mind blank and confused as he muttered a goodnight and headed straight to bed, his mind fuzzy, ignoring his previous feelings before falling asleep, blond hair and bright smile floating through his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bloodshot eyes and bruised arms flooding his thoughts as he remembered Minhyuk’s words the night before, the mention of his friend’s death haunting Changkyun, unable to let go off the image of the flowers by the track."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long. enjoy ;;

**October 31st 2019**

A shiver ran up Changkyun’s spine as the cold air cut through the thin material of his jumper, his fingers curling around the strap of his bag as a shiver ran down his spine, travelling along his whole body with each gust of wind. His head still felt light, regretting the last drink he had before he left the club, the sharp air starting to sober him up as he waited for the train, blankly staring down the rail line.

The sound of footsteps approaching drew his focus from the tracks, his thoughts snapping back to reality as he glanced over his shoulder. He lowered his music, listening to the footsteps draw near, the sound of feet hitting the concrete uneven as the person stumbled over. With a bated breath, Changkyun turned his head, his gaze landed on the hooded figure that approached, his feet dragging along the ground and hands gripping a bouquet of flowers that he held to his chest, some of the stems broken and petals wilting.

Drug addicts and gang members usually emerged around this time, skulking around dark alleyways, dealing the product or getting high from the public eye. Changkyun couldn’t count the amount of times a death from a bad deal or gang wars has shown up on the news from this area, the numbers going up with each passing month. Days passed where blood stained the streets for days before it was cleaned, the smell of bleach lingering for longer.

Panic spiked in his chest as the man approached, dirty bleached blond hair coming into view, the roots growing out, falling over his face in greasy strands. Without a word he stood by Changkyun, his eyes fixated on the tracks, ignoring the fleeting side glances Changkyun threw his way. The man's skin looked dry and washed out, sickly white under the poorly lit lights, the corners of his mouth reddened with peeling skin. His cheeks were hollow and eyes sunken in, casting shadows along his face, accentuated his blackened under eyes, the skin almost reminiscent of a harsh bruise.

The mans hands shook as he lay down the flowers by the track, Changkyun wasn’t sure if it was from too many drugs that floated around in his system or nerves.

Changkyun cleared his throat, “Did you lose someone?”

“Yeah, a friend. He died here two years ago,” The man said as he stood up on unsteady legs, “I miss him,” His voice cracked, rough, dry and forced as if he hadn’t spoken in days, years of smoking taking its toll.

“I’m sorry to hear.”

Changkyun could feel his heart grow heavy as he calmed down, the alcohol mostly worn off, his head clearing as emotions tugging at his chest, feeling the weight of the man’s words fall onto him. Something nagged at the back of his mind, a distant memory whispering into his ear before it was dragged down into the depths of his foggy thoughts, drowned out by the man’s words as he continued to speak, the thought forgotten as it passed by.

“I miss him,” The man interrupted Changkyun’s thoughts as he spoke, dragging him back to reality, “It’s my fault. I blame myself every day. If it wasn’t for me he’d be alive.”

Changkyun’s focus finding itself on the man’s fidgeting fingers, picking at the dried skin along his cuticle, stained a dirty yellow from tobacco along with his damaged nail. Words caught in his throat, watching as the man’s head dipped down in a meagre attempt to hide the tears that begun to well in the corner of his eyes.

“I asked him to go out. He wanted to stay home with his boyfriend. It was supposed to be their anniversary soon.”

The words coiling around Changkyun’s throat, squeezing tighter as the man's voice tapered off, too choked up to continue, his movements frantic as he wiped away the tears that begun streaming down his face with the back of his hand. Changkyun averted his gaze to the ground, his heart aching as he glanced at the flowers laying on the dirty, stained cement, old blackened gum decorated the ground around it.

“Sorry. I’m Minhyuk by the way.”

“Changkyun. Nice to meet you."They stood side by side, both morose and silent as they waited for the train, the conversation lingering in the air around them, fading as they introduced themselves, words remaining unspoken as the familiar groaning and screeching echoed along the tracks.

Changkyun glanced over his shoulder as he stepped onto the train in trepidation, Minhyuk disappearing as he walked away, his mind conjuring up images of a body laying on the tracks, blood spattered crudely along the graffiti covered train and the tracks stained red, a mangled body discarded to the side, an unrecognisable mass of flesh. A shiver creeped down Changkyun’s spine, unease spreading across his body as the train doors closed behind him, memories creeping back to the surface.

“Changkyun!” A familiar whine made him glace up, Wonho waving him over, almost frantic in his movements as he grinned excitedly, “I’m bored.”

Wonho jutted out his bottom lip, his cheeks puffing out as he pouted, his book forgotten as he let it fall into his lap.

“Why don’t you read a better book then?” Changkyun said as he sat in his usual spot next to Wonho, his bag slipping off his shoulder and onto the floor at his feet, “Or use your phone for once.”

“I lost it.”

“I’m not surprised. Where about?” Changkyun prodded Wonho’s sides, his finger digging into Wonho’s ribs playfully.

Wonho squirmed in his seat, fighting away Changkyun’s prying fingers with a giggle before settling down, glancing around his eat before looking down at his hands.

“Dropped it on the tracks...”

Silence fell upon them as Wonho’s words faded off, eating away at the time as the sound of the train howling along the track.

Changkyun had known Wonho for over a year, this day last week marking the exact day, yet he felt like stranger, unknowing of so much, why he was there, what he hid, what he was. The questions constantly haunted him each time he stepped onto the train, a warm smile always greeting him, painted on a face he barely knew.

He had begun piecing parts together, grasping at whatever information trickled out of Wonho’s lips, fitting them together like a puzzle, getting more lost with each new thing he learnt, the answers more mystifying than the unknown. 

As their cart began to jolt with each turn of a sharp corner, Wonho rested his head against Changkyun’s shoulder, his hair tickling Changkyun’s neck as he shifted in his seat, his nose pressed against the faded material of Changkyun’s jumper.

“Hey, why do you smell like weed?” Wonho asked, his nose scrunching and brows furrowing as he tugged on Changkyun’s sleeve.

Changkyun shrugged, “From a party, it’s nothing.”

Wonho sat back up, turning to face Changkyun, worry starting to take over his features, his usually calm, warm expressing melting away,  “Don’t be an idiot, you shouldn’t smoke that shit,” his voice stern, almost uncharacteristic as he scolded Changkyun.

“It’s just weed, that’s all,” Changkyun said, shrugging as he tried avoiding Wonho’s stern gaze, guilt welling up in his chest, punching him in the gut with each harsh word that left Wonho’s mouth. 

“Hmm yeah, but then that shit’ll start to fuck you up. Don’t ruin your life because of drugs. You’ll end up dead in a gutter before you can reach thirty.”

Wonho’s voice almost began to crack, his words tumbling out in a flurry of emotions he had failed to restrain, his gaze flickering back and forth between Changkyun’s guilty expression and his fidgeting hands, unable to look at Changkyun in the eye. There was a familiarity and certainty in the tone of Wonho’s voice, the topic all too personal, Changkyun could sense it, he could hear it in Wonho’s voice.

Curiosity teemed at the corner of Changkyun’s mind, prodding and nagging at him to pry, unable to help himself as he turned to ask, “Why, did it happen to someone you know?”

“Yeah, and I made some pretty bad mistakes too.”

Changkyun looked down into his lap, beginning to pick at the frayed edges of the derelict chairs, feeling the waves of regret coming from Wonho as his voice tapered off. An apology sat at the tip of his tongue, contrite as he swallowed it back down, pressing his shoulder against Wonho’s in silent reassurance, finding comfort as they pressed up against each other.

The lights fulgurated, the old bulbs buzzed to life before flicking off again, the warmth of Wonho’s touch fading with the lights, goosebumps traveling up his arm as the carriage was cast into darkness. His chest ached, loneliness seeping into his bones, piercing his flesh like ice as he felt the loss of something he couldn’t name.

Warmth spread across his chest as the lights returned, Wonho’s hand gently patting his thigh, wordless in his reassurance as the train began to screech to a halt, pulling into Changkyun’s stop, the lights outside flicking in their usual manner as the train arrived.

Wonho’s breath tickled the side of his cheek as he muttered his goodbye into Changkyun’s ear, his voice was soft, barely a whisper. A shiver travelled down Changkyun’s spine, his cheeks flushed red as he hurried his farewell, glancing over his shoulder at Wonho as he stepped off, trying to quell the lump in his throat began to form as he watched the smile fade from Wonho’s face, leaving a sour taste in the back of his throat for the rest of the walk home.  

Changkyun’s mind growing foggier with each step as he left the station, Wonho’s empty smile fading as he walked outside, blown away with the wind. Each step feeling as heavy as his heart, unflinching as he heard the usual hushed shouts and scuffles from the same drug addicts that loitered the streets at night, his head in the clouds as he tried to make sense of the melancholy that had begun to weigh him down.

Jooheon had fallen asleep by the time he arrived home, the living room cast into darkness, empty and cold without Jooheon’s usual warm presence. Changkyun stumbled along the floor, squinting as he kicked aside a discarded shoe as he fumbled his way into the apartment, cursing as the keys jangled loudly as he locked the door behind him. The curtains shifted with the light breeze, the window still ajar, moonlight trickling through, illuminating his path as he dragged himself to his bedroom, discarding his jacket, his chest aching with the lingering smell of weed, unable to push away the guilty feeling that weighed him down. His eyes closed as his head hit the pillow, Minhyuk’s face floating in his mind, his words following Changkyun into his dreams, blurred images of trains dancing in his mind as he was lulled to sleep. Minhyuk’s face fading only to replaced by bleached blond hair and a warm smile, his face shrouded from view, the image torn away darkness engulfed him, pulling him into a dreamless sleep.

A shiver crept down Changkyun’s spine as he woke to the familiar buzz of his phone, squinting as he glanced at the bright screen reading Hyungwon’s name, rejecting the call with a groan as he let his head fall back to the pillow. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he rolled onto his back, his vision still unfocused as he stared at the ceiling through half opened lids, struggling to stay awake as they fluttered open and closed, focusing on the faint sound of dishes clanging in the sink.

Changkyun wasn’t sure how long he lay in bed, his mind wandering as he eyes closed again, drifting in and out of consciousness until his stomach began to grumble in protest, forcing him to stumble out of the bed, still wearing the clothes from the previous night, the faint, stale smell of the club still lingering. He discarded them in the hamper as he made his way to the shower, unable to look back at the pile of clothes, the familiar taste of regret rising to the tip of his tongue like bile as the smell of weed followed him into the bathroom, clinging to his skin.

_ Don’t ruin your life because of drugs. _

He wasn’t sure where the voice in his head came from, the voice unfamiliar as it scolded him, stern as it floated around his ears, soft almost soothing, only to be washed away as soon as the lukewarm water hit his head, soaps and floral scents washing away the grime from the previous night.

Jooheon banged his fist against the bathroom door as soon as he turned off the water, the slightly rusted handle rattling with the force, beckoning him out for breakfast, the smell of food alluring enough as it was, he didn’t need any more motivation.

“I’m coming!”

Water still dripped from Changkyun’s hair, shirt forgotten as he made his way to the kitchen, stomach gurgling loudly as the smell of food grew stronger, only half listening to Jooheon as he piled food on his plate.

“You should really check your messages,Hyungwon called about the party tonight,” Jooheon said, calling out from the couch as he lay back on the plush cushions, glancing up from his phone as he spoke.

“Oh fuck, I forgot about that,” Changkyun cursed, leaning against the kitchen counter as he ate, not bothering to move.

Jooheon leant back on the seat, his head tilting as he looked over at Changkyun, disapproving, “You know it’s important to Hyungwon…” His voice trailed off, gaze unwavering, as he glared at Changkyun.

“Yeah I know, I know. It’s fine there’s not much to prepare anyway.”

“At least call Hyungwon back, and start cleaning!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” Changkyun grumbled, hurrying as he ate the rest of his food, leaving his bowl in the sink with the rest of the dishes, leaving them untouched as he went back to his room, calling Hyungwon back before closing the door behind him.

It didn’t take long to prepare, the apartment wasn’t as messy as it usually was, shoes put away and clothes tossed in drawers, hidden from sight, the mess clearing up as quickly as it took to prepare the food.

Changkyun watched the time slowly pass on the clock hand, his mind wandering as he jumped onto the couch next to Jooheon, glancing out of the window at the setting sun, leaning back as Jooheon let his head fall against Changkyun’s shoulders, both silent as they waited for the rest to arrive, Changkyun’s eyes fluttering shut, listening to the background noise of the TV as Jooheon began to flick between channels.

Changkyun wasn’t sure if he fell asleep, his eyes watering as he opened them, rubbing them as he adjusted to the bright light, his phone vibrating on the chair’s arm, Hyungwon’s name appearing on the screen. Jooheon was still leaning against him, curled up on the couch, legs tucked against his chest and eyes still glued to the TV, distracted by whatever reality show was playing.

“Is it Hyungwon?” Jooheon muttered, only half paying attention as he nudged Changkyun’s arm.

Changkyun grunted in response as he picked up his phone, digging his finger in Jooheon’s side teasingly as he stood back up, answering the short-lived call.

“They’re on their way now. Hyungwon said they’re ‘round the corner, I’ll unlock the door, everything’s ready to go anyway.”

“Cool, I’m just gonna go piss. Buzz them up when they come,” Jooheon said, stretching his arms above his head as he sat up, saluting Changkyun as he hurried into the bathroom, the door clicking shut.

Changkyun watched Jooheon disappeared behind the closed door, running his hands through his hair as he turned to look at the buzzer, unable to shake off the weight pressing against his chest. Bloodshot eyes and bruised arms flooding his thoughts as he remembered Minhyuk’s words the night before, the mention of his friend’s death haunting Changkyun, unable to let go of the image of the flowers by the track. Unable to grasp at the wispy remnants of his memories of the train ride home, guilt bubbling to the surface as faded images of soft smiles, and gentle touches drifting further away as he grasped at them.

The sound of the buzzer echoed throughout the room, the button lighting up above the blurry image on the intercom's screen, Hyunwoo and Hyungwon waiting at the door of the building, waving into the camera. Jooheon poked his head out of the bathroom as he let the two up, the sound of the toilet flushing still echoing in the small room.

“They’re here?”

“Yeah they’re walking up the stairs now,” Changkyun said, poking his head out the front door, listening to sound of footsteps echoing up the staircase.

Snacks littered the countertop as Jooheon set up the table, Changkyun welcoming them both at the door, pulling them into a hug, greetings muttered, both somber as they nodded towards Jooheon, walking over to greet him. Hyunwoo put a box of goon on the kitchen’s tabletop, smiling at Jooheon’s enthusiasm as he let go of Hyungwon’s embrace, silent in their condolences.

Awkward conversations filling the silence that begun to bleed into the room, alcohol loosening their tongues as they sat on the couches, the room feeling emptier than before. Hyungwon remained quiet, his knees pulled to his chest, cradling his barely touched bottle of beer, fixated on the television.

Goosebumps raised on Changkyun’s arms, unable to concentrate on the conversation, his gaze wandering to Hyungwon, heart tugging against his chest, unable to move or say anything as he watched his friend slowly fall apart in their company. His tongue heavy in his mouth, swollen, whatever words he tried forming getting stuck in his throat as he tried speaking to Hyungwon, too out of place to utter any comfort.

Changkyun found himself freezing as the familiar voice of the news anchor caught his attention, bile rising to his throat as he sat transfixed to the screen. The tightening in his chest grew worse, coiling around his heart and lungs like a snake, slowly squeezing, suffocating him. His emotions slowly began to spill like ink on parchment, bleeding out as he let out a strangled cry of shock as a familiar face was displayed in the corner of the screen.

“A body, which has been recently identified as Lee Minhyuk, was found early this morning. Police have found the cause of death to be due to the growing gang violence and drug dealings in the area. The investigation is ongoing, however, it is suspected the death is connected to Lee Hoseok’s death two years ago.”

Changkyun recognised Minhyuk’s face immediately, the rest of the reports words fading into the background. Dejavu nagged at the corner of his mind as he stared at the smiling face of the second man, his death unknown to Changkyun.

Not noticing Hyungwon rise, he found himself snapping back to reality as soon as the channel changed, a children's cartoon taking its place as soon as the image of the second man was shown. Changkyun watched as Hyunwoo rise, his hand draping over Hyungwon’s shoulder, leaning forward as he whispered in his ear, tugging Hyungwon’s limp body towards the kitchen.

Hyungwon’s fists balled, his hands shaking as they hung stiffly by his sides, unshed tears making his eyes glisten against the artificial lights.

He could faintly overhear the both of them talking, Hyungwon’s voice slowly getting louder as tears streamed down his cheeks.

_ Should have checked up on Minhyuk.. _

_ Kihyun. I have to call Kihyun. _

_ Hoseok… Wonho… _

Chankyun’s heart leaped as he heard the name, something stirring in his stomach, nagging at the corner of his mind, the thoughts clouded and hidden, obscured from view.

Turning to Jooheon he couldn’t help the questions that came pouring from his mouth, unsated curiosity clawing at his throat.

“Who’s Wonho?”

Hushing him, Jooheon sat up, inching towards Changkyun, his voice hushed as he muttered, “It’s not in your place to ask right now. Let it be.”

Changkyun wasn’t use to the severity in Jooheon’s tone, taken aback as Jooheon stood to leave, making his way to the other two. The cartoon was still playing on the TV as Changkyun turned to look back, the joyful jingle growing fainter as he let his mind wander.

Jooheon’s dismissal not sitting right, curiosity blossoming as the question relentlessly repeated over and over in his mind

Who is Wonho?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hoped you liked uwu comments and kudos are v v much appreciated thank u i am needy. 
> 
> hopefully ill update soon, ive already started working on the next chapter bc they're linked !
> 
> hmu on twitter @[fluffybunho](https://twitter.com/fluffybunho) i post updates there and shit post.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His veins thrummed in tune to the rapid beat of his heart pounding in his chest as he turned back to Hoseok, mesmerised as the curtains shifted, moonlight filtering through, landing over the soft, pale skin laid out in front of him.
> 
> Caliginous and boundless under the celestial gleam of the moonlit night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> began 2 add timestamps bc from now things will start to cut back and forth from past to present as things slowly get revealed. added timestamps to the last 2 chapters so things will b less confusing
> 
> enjoy!

**EARLY JULY 2016**

The club was more crowded than Hoseok would have liked. He couldn’t help but wobble as he tried finding purchase on the alcohol stained bench, his fingers sticking to the wood, and blood pounding to the beat of the bass. Glancing into the crowd he spotted Minhyuk clinging onto a nameless man, as uneasy on his feet as Hoseok felt. His arms draped over sturdy shoulders, and nimble fingers slipping into pockets and wallets unnoticed.

Hoarse, slurred voices surrounded him, shouting into his ear, numbing his thoughts.

His nose itched. So did the crook of his left arm.

Throwing a glance towards Minhyuk, wordless as he nodded, taking his leave, balance uneasy as he dragged his feet along the floor, trying not to slip on the split alcohol that blackened the vinyl flooring, making a beeline directly towards the bathroom. His pocket felt heavy, dragging him down as he shuffled along the floor, unable to contain the anxiety that spread along his limbs, the itch slowly taking over, unyielding and relentless.

The bathroom was empty, vomit painting the toilets and piss discoloured the floors. The walls slowly began to close on Hoseok, the solitude comforting as he reached into his pocket, fingers curling around the worn-out bag, shaking as he fumbled to open the flimsy plastic, the 8-ball clumping together, desperation hindering his movements. Frustration leaking out as he finally opened the small bag, cursing under his breath as a small bit of white powder coated his thumb.

The itch refused to leave, growing stronger with each passing second, curling around the back of his mind, incessant as it whispered on his ear, urging him to do it, to cave.

Hoseok wasn’t strong.

Wasn’t strong enough to ignore the hushed voice that pushed him on.

The product wasn’t his, Hoseok knew the consequences that would befall him if anyone found out. But they never did. Baking powder hiding the evidence and darken alleyways concealing the impurities. The guilt that settled at the bottom of his stomach dissipated as quickly as it came, heat spreading along Hoseok’s body as he brought his thumb to his mouth, gently rubbing the cocaine along his gums, his nail dragging along the tender flesh until he tasted blood.

His finger tingled as he dipped it back into the bag, gums growing numb as he brought the powder covered finger back to his mouth, tongue dry, heavy as he swallowed what was left. His heart felt lighter, each rapid beat of his heart reverberating along his body, lambent tongues of flame caressing his skin, melting the jagged shards of ice that he had built up around his mind, letting it seep away as a wave of calm and euphoria washed over him. Anxieties melting away. Forgotten.

He slid to the floor, crouching against the wall, cheeks flushed and forehead pressed against the cold tiles.

He would let himself regret this later.

The night air outside enveloped him like a wave, coiling around his body, hairs standing on end as a shiver ran along his body. He hadn’t registered leaving the club, his eyes hooded as he glanced around, head still spinning, barely making out the two figures in the alleyway beside the club. Their hushed whispers bounced off the walls, not taking notice of his presence.

Hoseok watched them through the corner of his eye, their faces barely illuminated by the embers on the end of one of their blunts. His cocaine in his pocket grew heavier as he watched them. He knew what a customer looked like.

Steadying himself, Hoseok tucked his hands in his pocket, head dipped as he crossed the street, unable to help the nervous tick that had begun to set it, his fingers twitching by his sides, and his heart still racing.

“Can I help you?” One turned, the hood from his jacket covering his face, his body tensing as he saw Hoseok approach.

“You buyin’ or selling?” Hoseok’s voice was slurred, fingers curled around the bag as he glanced at them both.

“What’s it to you?”

He stumbled slightly as he pulled out the small bag, dangling it like candy in front of the other two, both as mesmerised by the cocaine as he let it saw back and forth between his fingers. It didn’t take long for the bag to be replaced by a roll of cash and a poorly lit joint, his eyes widening in greed as he flicked through the notes, muttering to himself as he counted the total. As Hoseok pocketed the money, the two men whispered an insincere thanks, turning to flee back down the street, glancing over their shoulders one last time as they disappeared from sight.

He felt his stomach turn, bile rising as his high peaked. Beads of sweat dripping along his brow, the taste of bitter acid filling his mouth as he bent over, vomit splashing over the wall and pavement.

The sound of Hoseok’s phone vibrating in his pocket cut through the silence, Minhyuk’s name illuminated on the cracked screen.

_Where r u_

Hoseok squinted, wiping his mouth as he read the fuzzy text, his fingers lingering over the keypad as he replied.

_Outside_

It didn’t take long for Minhyuk to find him.

 

Bright bleached hair standing out against the stained brick wall as he leaned against it for support, the unlit joint hanging from his lips as he searched his pockets for a lighter. His frantic movement concealing the heavy tremble in his hands, barely managing to spin the spark wheel.

“What else did you take? You know you shouldn’t mix shit,” Minhyuk said, snatching the joint and lighter from Hoseok’s hands, putting it between his lips as he carefully lit it, the burning tip illuminating Minhyuk’s face and smoke passing through his lips in faint tendrils as he spoke, “Where did you get the money anyway, I thought you blew it all inside?”

“M’ fine, and just sold some left-over coke I had.” Hoseok shrugged, reaching out to snatch the joint back, wobbling as he took a step forward to steady himself.

“You need to stop dealing that stuff. If they knew you were sampling product...”

Hoseok turned his head, gaze lowered as he took a slow drag, “You know I needed the money, and it’s not like they noticed I took some.”

“She wouldn’t want the money if she knew the shit you were up to. You can’t help your mum if you’re dead in a gutter Hoseok,” Minhyuk couldn’t hide the worry that laced each word, biting back the anger that had begun to rise in his chest, simmering.

“Just fuck off alright.”

“Running back to him won’t help!” Minhyuk called out after him, his voice drowned out by the rage roaring in Hoseok’s ears.

Hoseok kept walking, quickly finishing the joint as he headed to the main street. Pulling his phone out of his pocket as he kept his head downturned, refusing to satisfy the need to turn back, regret for snapping at Minhyuk already eating away at his thoughts. It wasn’t his intention to leave as he did; however, it never was, fingers lingering over Kihyun’s name, the phone ringing before he could stop himself.

Catching the midnight train had become habitual, more-so meeting Kihyun had, too afraid to return back to his shared apartment with Jooheon after he spent his nights in darkened alleyways, taking whatever money he spent the week scrounging up to buy whatever he could afford.

Each weekend he found his wallet empty and blood pounding in his ears, head growing fuzzier with each step. Veins bruised and eyes bloodshot as he slumped in his usual spot, fifth row from the front, always finding his way to the same seat, as ritualistic as the rest of his routine.

He felt restless, his leg jittering as the train screeched to a halt, the familiar, dilapidated buildings coming into view. Hoseok’s anxieties peaked as he arrived at the old motel, anticipation creeping along his spine and heart pounding in beat to his rushed steps.

Kihyun was already waiting for him, the small table in the center of the room wiped down, poorly cut lines decorating the table. It was probably the only clean thing in the room, the chipped glass refracting the faint, yellow light coming from the overhead bulb.

“Did you start without me?” Hoseok’s lips pressed together into a pout, his voice curving into an inflection, unable to hide the whine that crept into each word, “You know I have to get the train to come all the way here.”

“You reek of alcohol, you sure you’re alright to?” Kihyun shifted to the side as Hoseok took his place next to him, hands creeping around each other’s waist as their lips met.

“Yeah I’m fine, did some before and already coming down,” Hoseok said, his voice muffled as he pulled away from Kihyun’s hold, grabbing the discarded bag that had been resting against the rusted table legs, rifling through the pockets, “Plus when has that ever stopped us?”

They sat in silence, transfixed as Hoseok pulled out two needles, unsteady hands preparing the syringe. His skin felt numb as the needle pierced his skin, watching Kihyun follow suit through the corner of his eye, his muscles tensing and heart accelerating, the pain subsiding as quickly as it came. Euphoria washed over him like a wave, his head light, and heart even more so as he glanced towards Kihyun. Mold covered curtains danced in the light breeze, rays of moonlight streamed from behind him, accentuating the sharp edges of Kihyun’s face, wonderment, and lust bubbling in Hoseok’s chest as he watched him through dazed eyes.

Hoseok’s cheeks began to flush, pink spreading down his neck and ears tinted bright red. His limbs heavy as he discarded the needle, letting it roll out from between his fingers and fall to the stained floor. The gentle calm lapping at the edges of his mind drew his attention away, the unnerving itch subsiding with each beat of his heart.

It didn’t last long, it never did. The itch returning as his heart began to sink, weighing him down as drowsiness began to dig its claws into the edges of his mind, sluggish as he reached towards Kihyun, seeking comfort.

Kihyun had already shifted, leaning towards the table, drawing Hoseok’s attention back to the fine lines that where messily lined up, powder coating the foggy glass. Their movements were growing sloppy, fine powder sticking to the reddened skin of their noses, skin dragging on skin as Hoseok grabbed Kihyun by the base of his neck, pulling them together.

The heat and ferocity of his touch melting the cold embrace that began to envelop both of them, warding off the lingering winter winds that encircled the room.

The bitter taste sat at the back of Hoseok’s throat, his nose burning as the world grew more alive around him, racing

The bed groaned as Hoseok fell back on it, the mattress dipping under his weight, coarse sheets rubbing against sensitive skin. Need and arousal crept along the base of Hoseok’s spine, irrepressible as dry lips gently coaxed his open, each touch as electrifying as the next.

“How long did you book?”

“The usual, until tomorrow morning” Each word felt weighed down, slurred as his mouth began to grow dry and tongue heavy.

“Then fuck me,” Hoseok’s lips curled into a smile, unable to contain the jubilation that continued to grow, blooming as his anxieties began to melt away.

He felt… nice.

Heat spread along Hoseok’s limbs, his cock aching as fire ignited with each gentle touch, both hesitant, clumsy as clothes were readily discarded to the side.

Kihyun didn’t hesitate as he rose to search through his bag, grabbing the condoms and lube. He could feel his movements grow more frantic, hurried as the urgency began to echo, reverberating in his drug-addled mind. His veins thrummed in tune to the rapid beat of his heart pounding in his chest as he turned back to Hoseok, mesmerised as the curtains shifted, moonlight filtering through, landing over the soft, pale skin laid out in front of him.

Caliginous and boundless under the celestial gleam of the moonlit night.

Hoseok whined loudly as he reached down to grab his cock, impatient as he began to play with the tip, his cheeks flushed just as red.

“Hands to yourself.”

Precum began to bead at the tip as Hoseok pulled his hand back, choking back a moan, any protest getting caught in his throat as Kihyun loomed over him. Rough hands began to gently press up against Hoseok’s thighs, gently coaxing them apart, each touch as fleeting as the next, teasing as Kihyun drew out soft gasps and moans from Hoseok, relishing in each soft sound.

“Kihyun…” Hoseok whined in protest as he felt Kihyun step away, trying to sit upright as he heard the familiar sound of a bottle lid popping open, eyes wide with anticipation, looking up at Kihyun with innocent inquisitiveness.

“Turn over so I can prep you,” a shiver of anticipation ran along Hoseok’s body as he turned over, his cheek pressed against the worn pillow, ignoring the stains, “Good boy”

The corners of his lips curling in a small satisfied smile as he felt the pad of Kihyun’s lube covered finger press up against his hole, probing the tight ring of muscle before slowly pressing his finger inside. Hoseok let out a soft whimper, his back dipping further as he tried pressing against Kihyun’s finger, silently asking for more.

Wiggling his finger, Kihyun began to thrust it in and out, wiggling it as he felt Hoseok’s hole slowly stretch, the tightness that sucked his finger in, beginning to give way.

“M-more,” Hoseok’s desperation began to grow with each movement, the sheets balling under his hands as he blindly gasped at the coarse material.

“So impatient” Kihyun scolded, his face hardening as he pushed in a second finger, agitation growing with each second passing, each motion getting more aggressive as he added another, “Stay still Hoseokkie, I want to try something.”

Hoseok keened, barely cognizant as Kihyun dragged the pads of his fingers along his walls, pressing and prodding as he slowly removed them. The sound of plastic crinkling drew Hoseok’s attention, craning his neck as he tried turning back to watch, light brown hair barely coming into view.

His skin prickled as he felt Kihyun tip the white powder along the base of his spine, the familiar floral scent hitting his nose as Kihyun’s hand snaked around, fingers pressing themselves to Hoseok’s lips, coaxing them open.

His gums began to tingle, lips swollen as Kihyun began to slowly rub back and forth, his arms shaking as he tried to stay still, barely registering as Kihyun’s hand withdrew, his lips still tingling. A shiver travelled along his body, hot air hitting his back as Kihyun leaned forward, pressed a chaste kiss to the center of Hoseok’s back, slowly trailing down his spine, pausing as he stopped to do the poorly cut line.

Hoseok’s cock ached, precum beginning to pool onto the sheet under him with each light jolt, desperate for more, impatient as he waited for Kihyun to let him move, his hips grinding back on Kihyun’s fingers.

“Please,” Hoseok hiccupped, his voice strained as he begged, “fuck me.”

“I wanna see you,” Kihyun said, reaching for the discarded condom, the sound of the plastic tearing coaxing Hoseok to move.

Hoseok’s lip caught between his teeth as hands guided him, flipping him over onto his back, his legs spreading as he watched Kihyun stroke his cock, spreading lube along his shaft.

Small crescent moons decorated Hoseok’s thighs, bruises threatening to bloom as Kihyun pushed his thighs to his chest, his voice strained, commanding.

“Hold.”

Hoseok obeyed silently, his breath coming out in soft pants and his grip around his thighs tightened, knees pressing again his chest and back arching as Kihyun’s cock pressed against his hole, slowly thrusting in.

The sound of their moans began to reverberate in the small room, bouncing off the walls, drowning out the sound of skin slapping on skin as Kihyun began to increase his pace. His hips pressing up against Hoseok’s plump ass with each thrust, watching as his cock disappear inside his hole, relishing the sight.

“You always take my cock so well Hoseokkie.”

Hoseok’s toes curled as Kihyun praised him, cheeks flushed red as precum pooled on his stomach, cock heavy, aching for release.

“Kihyun. I need...” Hoseok stuttered out, his hole clenching around Kihyun as he grabbed his cock, stroking it clumsily as heat began to coil in the pit of his stomach, his muscles tensing as the pressure began to build.

Kihyun’s thrusts began to grow shallow, erratic, feeling his own release approach. His hands grabbing and caressing the flushed skin under him, trailing along the back of Hoseok’s thighs.

Tears formed in the corner of Hoseok’s eyes as he came, his head thrown back as cum painted his chest. He fell back limp, exuberant as he rode out the orgasm, his heart pounding in his chest, the high still carrying him through as Kihyun bottomed out, collapsing on top of him.

Hoseok’s eyes fluttered shut as Kihyun pulled out, pressing a kiss to Hoseok’s forehead as he rolled off the bed, legs shaking as he started to come down, unable to fight the dizziness that overcame his senses as he stumbled to the bathroom.

The need for sleep overwhelming as it washed over Hoseok, his eyes heavy, vision going blurry as they began to close, unable to focus on Kihyun as he made his way back. His eyes fluttered shut as a cool towel begun to wipe him down, lulling him to sleep.

“You ok?” Kihyun’s voice was soft, the slur less evident in his words, the corners of his mouth forming a small smile as Hoseok grunted in response, turning on his side.

He ran his fingers through Hoseok’s hair, pressing a kiss to his temple as he dragged the wet towel between his legs, whispering praise as Hoseok whimpered with each caress of the rough material.

Warmth enveloped Hoseok as Kihyun lay beside him, pulling him into his arms as the high wore off, his face buried in Hoseok’s neck, lugubrious depths of nothingness awaiting as sleep took its hold, dragging him down.

Sunlight peeked through the curtains, waking Hoseok up as it shone over his eyes. His head pounding, nausea washing over him like a wave as he slipped out from Kihyun’s hold, sitting at the edge of the bed. The sheets rustled bedside him as Kihyun shifted, soft puffs of air escaping his lips as he slept, undisturbed by the noise Hoseok made as he got changed.

Minhyuk’s words rung in the back of his mind, his hands lingering over the doorknob as he glanced back at Kihyun’s sleeping form. Regret began to bubble in his chest, whispering in the back of his mind as he left, his head downturned, making his way to work, the itch returning as he walked down the street, ceaseless and vexatious as he scratched the crook of his arms.

He was greeted by the familiar scolding of his mother as he stepped into the coffee shop hours after opening, her hands on her hips and brows furrowed as she watched him retreat to the back room to get ready. Foundation hiding the exhaustion that painted his features and a long-sleeved uniform to hide the bruises that decorated his arms.

The shift was slow, early morning customers leaving as fast as they came, tables mostly empty and the shop quiet, the only sound coming from the coffee machine whirring in the background.

 

The quiet set Hoseok on edge unable to shake off the feeling of ants crawling along his body, the need to preoccupy himself growing stronger, still anticipating the midday rush of people to keep his mind distracted from the unyielding cravings that came with the withdrawal. He retreated to the kitchen, joining his mother who had laid down in the back room, baking food for the front display and cleaning, anything to satisfy the cravings that clawed at his mind.

The sound of the doorbell tinkling as it opened drew Hoseok’s attention, a flush quickly spreading across his cheeks as he stepped out of the kitchen, walking back towards the counter, his gaze landing on the tall man that entered the shop.

Dark hair framed his face, his jawline soft and face rounded, delicate, matching the rest of his features. Plump lips and kind eyes drawing Hoseok’s gaze, too enamoured by the sight in front of him to notice the man had spoke

“Pardon?” Hoseok stuttered, the tips of his ears turning a bright red as he averted his gaze to the cash register, fingers fidgeting by his side.

The man chuckled as he repeated his order, eyes as bright as his smile, captivating and pure, his touch gentle as he handed Hoseok the money. After paying and taking his seat, Hoseok watching him through the corner of his eye as he got to work making the coffee, trying to hide the blush that continued to deepen as his face continued to warm up further.

Hoseok could feel his hands tremble, the glass slightly clinking against the dish as he walked over to the man's table, carefully placing the coffee in front of him, followed by a sweet he had made earlier, the plate clinking against the polished wooden table.

“I didn’t order-”

“It’s on me. Please enjoy it.” Hoseok said, bowing his head before retreating back to the counter, sparing the occasional glance at the man as he quietly wiped down the table and coffee machine.

“They were both delicious,” the man said as he stood, tugging on the sleeves of his coat as he headed back towards the door, dipping his head as he left, “thank you.”

The man began to frequent the small shop, either sitting in or rushing by, grabbing his usual order, Hoseok slipping him a freshly baked treat each time, revelling in the excited smile he was graced with each time he baked something new. He learned the man's name was Hyungwon and that he came between classes, each word shared igniting something within Hoseok, feelings growing, blooming.

He looked nothing but ethereal as he sat by the window, the sun illuminating him from behind, finishing his coffee in hast as he tapped away at his phone. Oblivious to Hoseok peeking from behind the counter, letting other customers that had begun filtering in for their lunch break distract him enough to tear his gaze away.

Hoseok felt himself lift his hand into an awkward wave as Hyungwon left, the coffee shop already emptied as the midday rush died down, workers returning to their jobs. The corners of his lips twitching as they formed a soft smile, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he found himself in the familiar silence that drove him up the wall. He couldn’t recall the last time he had taken anything that wasn’t the occasional joint on the balcony whenever Jooheon wasn’t home, withdrawal setting him on edge, restless and snappish, the urges only occluding with each ephemeral encounter.

His heart pounded in his chest, his lips spreading into a wide grin as he picked up Hyungwon’s cup, noticing handwriting carefully scrawled on the napkin that was wedged underneath the dish.

_Call me._

Followed by a number.

 

It didn’t much coaxing from Jooheon for him to text Hyungwon, the desperation for escape already persuasion enough.

The response came quickly, enthusiastically as they began to talk into the late hours of the night, introductions properly made and stories eventually shared, ending the night with a date set to meet in a week’s time. They continued to text as the date of their encounter slowly approached, each night spent slowly learning more about each other; Hoseok sharing his daytime musings and Hyungwon complaints about classes, growing more and more familiar with each other as each day passed. Hoseok finding himself falling asleep with ease, a half smile playing on his lips and the pain temporarily subsiding.

The sound of water dripping from the machine grew tedious as Hoseok waited for Hyungwon to arrive, anticipation growing, simmering in his chest as he glanced at the clock. Sobriety made it worse, the days gone by without a proper high setting him on edge; his fingers drummed on the counter, matching the beat to each drop that fell, unable to hinder the restlessness that coursed along his whole body as soon as the clock struck one.

The doorbell jingled as Hyungwon stepped inside, phantasmic as he stood in the center of the room, comely and resplendent; his hair styled and makeup gracefully painted on. Hoseok’s heart racing as Hyungwon greeted him, thanking whoever was listening that the shop was empty as he stumbled to pick up his bag, flushing as Hyungwon chuckled.

“Let’s go. I know a nice place for lunch.”

The date went by quickly, food filling their stomachs as conversion flowed with ease, Hoseok relishing in each mundane action. His heart felt as full as his stomach, cheeks beginning to ache from smiling as much as he did, laughter still ringing in his ears. Hyungwon looked nothing but resplendent, his eyes brightening as he talked, hand covering his mouth every time he found himself flustered, covering his wide smile. It was infectious, Hoseok found himself with a propensity to sit back and listen to the soothing tone of Hyungwon’s voice, soft praises urging him on.

As their hour came to an end Hoseok could feel his chest begin to ache, regretful for their date to end so soon. Hyungwon leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Hoseok’s lips as they parted, bidding him farewell, plans for another date left in the air as he walked away, Hoseok’s lips still tingling as he entered the coffee shop again, greeting his mother with a warm smile and a light heart.

They continued to message that night, Hoseok still giddy, ever growing fonder of the younger man, agreeing to meet again in just over a weeks’ time. As the days rolled by Hoseok’s agitation only grew, impatient and on edge as he checked his phone. Anticipating each new message but only to be faced with disappointment and unread texts as Hyungwon’s replies grew more and more infrequent, his exams taking up his time, leaving Hoseok as alone as he felt before.

 

 

**NOVEMBER 2019**

The morning was grey, the atmosphere solemn as they all slowly began to rise. Changkyun woke to the smell of food, Hyunwoo’s blurry form taking shape in the kitchen as he shuffled outside, feet dragging along the carpet and eyes still half closed.

“Mornin’,” Changkyun grumbled, letting himself fall back onto the couch, glancing back at the other two, calling out to Hyunwoo, “Where’s Hyungwon and Jooheon?”

“Wonnie’s still asleep and Jooheon’s showering.”

“Mhmm not surprised,” Changkyun said, running his hands through his hair as he tried fixing the unkept strands.

Hyunwoo chuckled as he took the pan off the heat, “Can you wake up Hyungwon? The food is ready. He’s in Jooheon’s room.”

“But I just sat down,” Changkyun groaned as he stood up, wobbling slightly before making his way to Jooheon’s room.

“And call Jooheon in as well!” Hyunwoo called behind him as he retreated towards the bathroom.

Changkyun banged his fist against the bathroom door, the hinges rattling under his hand.

“Breakfast is ready! Stop using all the hot water and come eat.”

Jooheon’s words where muffled as he replied, the shower’s stream hastily came to an end followed by the sound of the curtain being pulled aside and a muffled ‘fuck’ followed by what Changkyun could only have guess was Jooheon tripping over the edge of the tub.

Holding back a laugh, Changkyun quickly retreated over to Jooheon’s room, his stomach growling as he heard the sound of plates being set on the table. He knocked lightly before pushing the door open, the splintering wood dragging along the carpet, scraping along the fraying material. Hyungwon had sprawled across the bed, hidden under the doona as he tried to escape from light from the rising sun that had begun streaming in, his foot poking out being the only evidence of his presence.

"You awake?” Changkyun’s voice was soft as he padded over to the bed, brushing the sheet aside to sit on the edge of the bed, “Hyunwoo made breakfast.”

“Mhm, yeah,” Hyungwon stirred, his head poking out from underneath the mountain of sheets, eyes barely open and hair sticking in every direction, grumbling as he began to rise, still clutching onto the thick material of the doona.

Changkyun shifted out of the way as Hyungwon swung his legs around, his arms stretching above his head as he stood on uneasy feet, tripping over the sheets that had fallen to the floor. His face was swollen and eyes rimmed red, Changkyun could only guess it was still the lingering effects of the almost silent tears he heard muffled through the door last night. He didn’t say anything but offer a small smile and an outstretched hand, squeezing Hyungwon’s hand gently as he took it in his own, reassuring and silent as he helped Hyungwon up from the bed.

“Do you want anything? Jooheon has a spare robe I can steal for you.”

Hyungwon chuckled and nodded, his lips pressing into a small smile as Changkyun began to rifle through the discarded clothes in the corner of the room, triumphantly holding up a white dressing gown, presenting it like a treasure.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon muttered as he let Changkyun wrap it around him, the sleeves falling slightly short.

They both walked outside, Hyungwon trailing behind Changkyun, as the others beckoned them over, food decorating the set table. As soon as they both sat down, hands greedily grabbed at each dish, plate being filled and light conversation breaking the silence of the room.

Once they had settled, Jooheon shifting in his seat as he propped himself on his elbows, head resting on his hands and gaze boring into Changkyun innocuously.

“What are you thinking about?” Jooheon poked, dimples flashing as he grinned, almost teasing as he continued to prod, “you’ve been quiet.”

Averting his gaze, Changkyun continued to stuff food into his mouth, biting back, “no one.”

Jooheon’s hands fall forward, slapping the table as he calls out in triumph, the others looking at the two of them, their own conversation forgotten. The room went silent.

“I never said who.”

Changkyun choked, his face flushing as he shouted back in protest, laughter beginning to fill the room as the two continued to squabble and it wasn’t until light completely filled the room and the sun sat high in the sky, the table cleared and the others retreating to the couch, Changkyun was left to wonder about Jooheon’s question.

He couldn’t remember what he was thinking about, what grasped his attention so tightly, claws digging into his mind as it slips away. He wanders about why he keeps thinking about bleached hair and gentle smiles, his heart light, yearning for something that wasn’t there. Wandering about the spot at the end of the table that always remained empty, cold and apathetic, glaring at him from the corner of his vision - at the laughter that whispered in his ear, slowly washing over him like a wave, soothing, comforting, but it didn’t belong to anyone he knew.

He wondered.

Who?

 

 

**AUGUST 2016**

The week seemed to pass even slower without the reassuring message and mindless conversion. Nights empty as Hoseok found himself on the balcony, cuticles stained as he cut up tobacco and weed, hands shaking as he rolled the joint, unease settling in his stomach. The night was dark, moon hidden by clouds and dim streetlight barely flickering as Hoseok watched the night sky, the sun just barely set. Moths circled the street light, dancing and weaving around the light, sending the small dust particles into array.

Each drag of the joint only brought back the urge more, his shirt growing too tight as his skin crawled, unnoticing as he began to scratch his arm, skin turning red from the irritation. He brought his phone back out, flicking through his contact, finger lingering over Hyungwon’s name before pressing another, the sound of the dial up making his chest ache with anticipation.

“Hey Ki, where are you right now?”

“At the bar next to mine.” Kihyun replied, the beat muffling his voice as he attempted to shout into the speaker.

“Yeah ok, see you soon.” Hoseok glanced back into the apartment, Jooheon hidden from view, light peeking from the gap under his bedroom door.

Hoseok took his leave, silent as he slipped out, the blunt forgotten in the ashtray still smouldering as he locked the door behind him. His muscles ached as he walked, fatigue finding him easily, his breath shallow as he reached the club, strained as he panted with each breath.

Sweat beaded above Hoseok’s brow as he entered, sweaty bodies pressing up against him as he weaved his way through the crows, feet sticking on the blacken, alcohol covered floor.

Kihyun was waiting at the bar, clothes styled and his hair slicked back, clean and kept unlike most of their meetings. Hoseok slid into the seat next to him, hands fidgeting as he picked at the dried skin around his cuticles, wordless as he begged Kihyun for product, his remaining money weighing down his pocket.

“Do you have anything on you right now?” Hoseok sounded as agitated as he felt, the words tumbling out of his mouth, barely coherent, leading forward towards Kihyun as he spoke, pleading, “I have money.”

“Yeah in a minute,” Kihyun said, bringing his glass to his lips as he glanced around the room, lips glistening as he pulled the glass, “you just arrived. I don’t want to draw attention, let me get you a drink first.”

“Fine.” Hoseok’s voice was short, snappish as he waved the bartender over, letting Kihyun order for him.

“So heard you haven’t been dealing last few weeks,”Kihyun said, nudging Hoseok’s arm, “they gave me some of your product the other day.”

“Yeah they were pissed I turned up short last time so they put me on some other jobs.”

“What kind of jobs?”

“You know.”

Hoseok’s expression was dark enough for Kihyun to not push, he already knew the answer, he’d be there, spectating as he left the room with bloodied fists and a glint in his eye but part of him liked hearing it from Hoseok’s mouth.

Opening his mouth to reply, Kihyun was interrupted as two drinks were placed in front of him, Hoseok throwing his back before ordering another, each drink disappearing and as quickly as they came his head beginning to feel heavy as it settled into his system.

They continued to chat, light and meaningless conversation falling short as they both began to grow impatient, slowly inching towards each other until Kihyun excused himself, heading towards the bathroom with a sly smirk and a hard reaching inside his pocket, beckoning Hoseok to follow.

Hoseok was unsteady as he stood, head spinning as he took a step forward, wobbling, letting himself lean against the mass of bodies as he shuffled towards the bathroom.

The bathroom was empty, Kihyun leaning against a stall as waited, his gaze, empty and unfocused, grinning as soon as Hoseok entered, motioning to the small, crumpled baggie of pills dangling between his fingers.

“All I got on me right now, how much you got?”

“Uppers?” Hoseok asked, pulling out the wad of cash from his pocket, his eyes trained on the small bag, “I don’t know if I got enough.”

“It’s ok, you can return the favour,” Kihyun said, standing up straight as he pushed himself off the wall, taking the cash from Hoseok’s loose grip, pocketing it. Fingers dug into Hoseok plush skin, circling his hips as Kihyun pulled him closer, “want to sample some now or later?”

“I think you already know the answer.”

Hoseok snatched the pills from Kihyun’s hands, greedy and choleric, desperate to sait the need clawing at his body. It began to dissolve as soon as it hit his tongue, reassuring and warm, swallowing it dry before meeting Kihyun’s lips and pocketing the rest, waiting for the feeling to slowly kick in.

Their chests pressed up against each other as Kihyun grip tightened, lips parted, soft gasps and whines muffled as Kihyun’s tongue pressed against Hoseok’s. He could feel himself growing hard, hips bucking under Hoseok’s touch, warm as he palmed against Kihyun’s jeans. Carefully unzipping them, Hoseok tugged Kihyun’s pants down freeing his half hard cock, slowly stroking it, watching it grow hard in his hands.

The sound of the music drowned out Kihyun’s moans, his voice cracking as he felt Hoseok’s tongue dart out to catch the precome that beaded on the head of Kihyun’s cock. He looked down as plush lips wrapped around his tip, Hoseok’s eyelashes fluttering and cheeks flushed red as he dipped his head, tongue running along the underside of Kihyun’s cock as he took it further in his mouth.

Nails scraped along Hoseok’s scalp, grasping at the soft strands, tugging them lightly as he urged Hoseok to take him deeper. Moans bounced off the walls, reverberating in the small room, falling in tune to the music; Kihyun finding himself growing louder as his cock hit the back of Hoseok’s mouth.

Tears pricked in the corner of Hoseok’s eyes as Kihyun bucked his hips, spit dripping from the corner of his mouth as his lips dragged over the shaft of Kihyun’s cock with each bob of his head.

Kihyun’s grip on Hoseok hair tightened as the thrusted into Hoseok’s mouth, whatever composure he had left slipping away. Hoseok’s mouth hot and tight around his cock, tongue running along the underside with each thrust, his cheeks hollowed and eyes screwed shut.

He came with a broken moan, his vision blurring to white as pleasure washed over him, his chest rising and falling to the rapid beat of his heart. Hoseok swallowed as Kihyun pulled out of his mouth, his lips glistening in the dull overhead light, painted by cum.

“Mine or yours?”

Kihyun nodded to the door as he removed his foot, reaching out towards Hoseok as he rose, cupping his face gently with one hand, thumb brushing over Hoseok’s swollen lips.

“You’re closer,” Hoseok’s voice was weak, hoarse as he spoke, bringing his hand to wipe his face, tongue darting out to lick whatever remained.

The trip back to Kihyun’s was slow, each second dragging out as they made their way to the small apartment. The dark undercurrent of woe forgotten as hands trailed along his skin, lips pressing to his neck in the back of an old cab and the start of the high finally beginning to kick in, his body floating, free.

Hands grabbed at his shirt, tearing it over his head as soon as Kihyun’s apartment door had closed behind them, both stumbling to the bedroom, the air heavy, thick with arousal. Hoseok wiggled out of his pants and underpants, his cock half hard as Kihyun pressed up against him, pushing him back onto the bed.  

“Seokkie, you’ve gotten bigger,” Kihyun said teasingly, reaching up and pressing Hoseok’s pecs together gently massaging the soft muscles before reaching to run his thumbs over his nipples that had begun to harden in the cool air.

“Kihyun, please. I want your cock” Hoseok said, his voice barely a whisper, holding back a whine that threatened to escape Kihyun dipped his head, his tongue flicking one of Hoseok’s sensitive nibs.

“So needy” Kihyun’s voice was light, teasing as he pulled back, “I’ll get the lube, hold on” he said as he stepped out of the room, taking off his clothes as he left.

Hoseok’s head spun, energy coursing through his veins as the high slowly reached its peak, waiting for Kihyun to disappear behind the door before making quick work of rummaging through his drawers, remembering where Kihyun usually his product, grinning triumphantly as he found the familiar baggie buried behind a book.

“Always so impatient,” Kihyun scolded as he walked back into the room, popping open the bottle of lube as he watched Hoseok do a line.

Hoseok’s lips curling into a pout as he looked over towards Kihyun, “you took too long.”

“No, you’re just impatient.”

Hoseok huffed, appetent as he turned onto his stomach, his chest pressed against the bed ass sticking out, legs spread and pupils dilated. Biting his lip, he reached back, gently spreading his ass cheek apart, exposing his pink hole, teasing, needy, coaxing Kihyun over.

Heat began to coiled in his stomach, snaking around every limb, each touch sending a shiver down his spine. His cock felt heavy against his stomach, growing harder as Kihyun kept prodding and teasing, tongue dragging along his skin and fingers teasing his nipples.

Goosebumps raised along Hoseok’s skin as Kihyun’s lube covered finger pressed inside his hole, quickly followed by a second as Kihyun fingered him open.

“Hold on, I wanna try something,” Kihyun said, Hoseok’s hole clenching as he pulled his fingers out, lube beginning to run down his hole and onto the bed.

Hoseok tilting his head upwards as he watched Kihyun lean over towards the bedside table, drawn to the slight crinkling of the plastic.  

Hoseok licked his lips, numbness beginning to spread along his body as Kihyun pushed his finger back into his hole, the touch ice cold as it as the sensation began to settled in the pit of his stomach.

“F-fuck. Kihyunnie…” Hoseok’s toes curled as Kihyun dragged his finger along his wall, massaging the cocaine into the sensitive skin, ecstasy coursing through his veins, choked back moans brokenly begging for more.

It didn’t take much coercion for Kihyun to remove his fingers, stroking his cock a few times before rolling on a condom, smearing more lube along the shaft. Kihyun’s fingers dug into Hoseok’s hips, leaving indentations in his plush skin as he, slowly sunk inside.

“This ok?” Kihyun asked, bringing his hand over to cup Hoseok’s ass cheek, watching as his cock slowly get swallowed.

“Please. Just fuck me.”

Hoseok’s eyes screwed shut as Kihyun began to thrust into him, his hips rolling to match the quickening pace, getting louder and louder as he tried to chase after his own release with each drag of Kihyun’s cock inside him, the slight numbness still lingering.

They both came with a shout, Hoseok’s body collapsing, flopping down onto the bed after Kihyun pulled out, letting himself fall beside Hoseok, the condom discarded and forgotten.

As his eyes flutter shut as Kihyun rose to get them a wet towel, gently wiping away the cum that stained the bed and along Hoseok’s body. Hoseok always liked getting pampered, letting Kihyun fuss over him as sleep slowly took its toll.

“How was that, you feeling ok?” Kihyun said, leaning over to brush the hair out of Hoseok’s face, pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead, “can you put this shirt on for me? I don’t want you to catch a cold”

Huffing, Hoseok lifted his arms over his head, letting Kihyun slip on the spare nightshirt, followed by a pair of pants, and a soft praise.

“Good boy” Hoseok preened under the praise, shifting to the side to give Kihyun room as he climbed into bed, pressing up against Hoseok’s warm body.

Guilt begging to well in Hoseok’s chest as he waited for Kihyun to change and join him, images of Hyungwon’s face flashing in the corner of his mind as he remembered their date tomorrow, his heart sinking as regret began to eat at him

“Hey Ki, can you wake me up early?” Hoseok muttered, turning on his side so he faced Kihyun, “I got somewhere to be tomorrow.”

“Yeah of course, now sleep or you’ll never wake,” Kihyun pulled the sheet over the both them, tucking Hoseok in before letting their limbs tangle together, pulling him into his arms.

Sleep took them both easily, Hyungwon being the last image on Hoseok’s mind before sleep dragged him down, lulled to sleep by soft melodic puffs of air escaping Kihyun’s lips, and the sound of the steady beat of his heart.  

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u enjoyed!! last ch coming soonish hopefully!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you liked it uwu. Updates will come slowly slowly.nthank you for reading!!!! comments and kudos are appreciated plz im needy.
> 
> Also feel free to check out my other works!!
> 
> find me on my twitter @[fluffybunho](https://twitter.com/fluffybunho)


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